Top Rapture Tweets

Whoopsies.

So it seems that people are making rapture jokes like there’s no tomorrow.  Thought I’d share a few.

A few rapture highlights from Twitter:
(Wait, if it’s trending on Twitter… perhaps it really happened?)

Here you go:

Was just raptured. Jesus was 8 minutes late. Heaven is nice. Like a really nice Cancun resort. Apostle Paul smells like Fritos.

Jesus was here. He was like, “Sup?” And I was all, “Bah?” And he was like, “Later,” and I was all, “Whatevs.” #rapture

Okay clearly Jesus is a NO SHOW…where yall watching the Mavs game? #RaptureDissapointment2011

I’m still here. Jesus must hate me.

A guy named Jesus just won the #Preakness

#endoftheworldconfessions I did my hair all fancy and everything cos I was supposed to be meeting Jesus right now.. Oh well.

@jesus: It’s not over ’til “I” say it’s over.

My new Honda has anti-rapture air bags….I should be fine….and I get an insurance discount. Woooohooooo!

Worst. Rapture. Ever.

Good news everyone! McDonalds is still open, even after the Rapture!

I think this #rapture is in a rain delay

Time to reschedule.

BREAKING: Rapture called off indefinitely because of mathematical errors. “Apparently I suck at Numerology,” says Harold Camping.

I wish everyday was #rapture day. Nice weather. Great food. What’s not to like??????

What?  It’s May 21, 20011?  I was WAY off!

Rapture jokes are so 6:00PM.

*And here’s my personal favorite:

If we want to be face to face with Jesus, then we need roll up our sleeves and get involved with the poor, the vulnerable, the needy…


For my own more serious thoughts on the matter, click here:
The Rapture, The Dude, and a Post that ties the Room Together.

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3 thoughts on “Top Rapture Tweets

  1. 13 Flaws that expose the pretrib rapture doctrine as a doctrine of devils…

    1. When the 5 unwise virgins were told “I never knew you”, they were also told to go to Hell. They were not told that they would be given a second chance as tribulation saints. See Matt. 25

    2. The Scriptures that tells us that “no one knows the day or the hour” ALWAYS reference the SECOND COMING… ex. Matt. 24:36…”of that day, no one know the day or the hour…” Which day? They one just described in vs. 29-35… “immediately after the tribulation…”

    3. Jesus tells us that He will return “Like a thief” Rev. 16:15, 2 Peter 3:10. This references the SECOND COMING. If He were to come 7 years prior in a Pre-tribulation rapture fashion He would have made Himself into a liar on the nature of HOW He declared He would come, “Like a thief…”

    4. Jesus return is NOT imminent. Paul tells us two things that must happen first before we can be gathered together with Him… 1) A great apostasy must take place and 2) the anti-christ must be revealed… 2 Thess. 2:1-3. CAN YOU NAME or POINT OUT who the anti-christ is? NO, because he hasn’t been revealed yet. At this point you can only speculate.

    5. The wrath of God is not temporal… it is eternal. We are not appointed to wrath…. BUT to SALVATION and forever living with Him. 2 Thess 5:9 AND 10. This same Greek word is used in the book of Rev. 3 times… Rev. 6:16,17 where MAN declares it, and Rev. 11 where GOD declares His wrath by judging the dead with eternal hell.

    6. Jesus declares that He is STILL coming “Like a thief…” for those who are watching after the tribulation… Rev. 16:15.

    7. The tribulation saints… this is a very interesting doctrine. Tribulation saints cannot be the bride because the bride is supposed to already be raptured. Therefore, a NEW body of saints must be created to accommodate this doctrine making us no longer one body in Christ Jesus, but multiple.

    8. Luke 21:36 Here the view ASSUMES that the word “escape” means rapture. For the Pretrib view to work, it must change the Word of God concerning salvation. We are saved by grace and not of works, yet we can only be raptured by praying always and our worthiness. The pretrib view must state (in light of Luke 21:36) that only the worthy saints are raptured and not everyone who is saved. Thus putting the unworthy into a tribulation saint category. Thus removing their “bride” status because they can no longer be the bride. The view tells us that the tribulation saints become eternal servants of the bride… thus elevating them greater than the bride, because he who is greatest in the kingdom is a servant of all…

    9. Jesus didn’t blow off the disciples question in Matt. 24:3, and Mark 13. The disciples asked, “When will these things be…” What things? The destruction of the temple where not one stone is left upon another… 70 AD. The pretrib view sees ALL of what Jesus answers as futuristic suggesting that Jesus blew off the disciples question, and presents their accordingly.

    10. The view must make light of the only places the New Testament Scripture refers to the MYSTERY surrounding the last trumpet… 1 Cor. 15:51,52 and Rev. 10:7

    11. The view tells us that the bride is in heaven for the tribulation, however the Word tells us that she is making herself ready on Earth. Paul tells her how to make herself ready for when Jesus comes with all of His saints (who have died and risen first) to present her to the Father… 1 Thess. 3:12:13 She makes herself ready by her righteous acts… these acts must be preformed on Earth, therefore she cannot be making herself ready in Heaven, but on Earth.

    12. To separate the Rapture event from the Second Coming event the pre-trib view has no alternative except to just flat out lie about it. It’s one thing to use opinion, assumptions and conjecture, but to present their lists of differences attempting to make the events two, it’s just one lie after another, making up their own scripture where it doesn’t exist.

    13. The church of Philadelphia FULFILLED a contingency causing them to be worthy to escape the “hour of temptation”. The pretrib view tells us there is no contingency. The church just escapes it all through rapture… Rev. 3:10

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  2. [Greets, Bryan. Just found your blog. Also saw this item on the net!]

    Evangelicals Use Occult Deception !

    Heard of the coming blood moons? Is the pretrib rapture symbolized by anything in the heavens?
    Hal Lindsey, influenced by occult astrology, asserts on p. 124 in “The Late Great Planet Earth” that the famous Sphinx in Egypt has the head of a “woman” – even though encyclopedias say it’s the head of a “man”! Hal’s plagiarism on that page of a 19th century British theologian is his acceptance of the occult Virgo-to-Leo theory – a “Christian” zodiac arbitrarily starting with Virgo (Virgin Mary) and ending with Leo (Christ returning as “Lion,” Rev. 5:5).
    Those who swallow this guesswork often see Ursa Minor (part of Cancer which precedes Leo) as a heavenly “symbol” of a pretrib rapture!
    Pretribs also insist on separating the “church” from “Israel” – but when you aren’t looking (or thinking) they blithely “prove” pretrib by the Jewish feasts in Leviticus, the stages of a Hebrew wedding (Google “Pretrib Rapture: A Staged Event”), and the one “taken” and the other “left” in “Jewish” Matthew 24!
    Amazingly, Jewishness (and even anti-Jewishness) has been uncovered even in pretrib dispensationalism’s 19th century foundation (Google “Roots of Warlike Christian Zionism”)!
    The current “blood moons” craze (promoted by lunar persons including rock musician Scottie Clarke and John Hagee) is tied to – you guessed it – the same Jewish feast days.
    Yes, there’s something colored red in the future of the church, but I don’t have moons in mind. What will really turn red will be the collective faces of many when it finally dawns on them that their any-moment fly-away was nothing more than an end time hoax!

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